This is what we do for Christmas

Thought you might be interested about how the island celebrates Christmas so here goes. We spend the 24th gathering food in preparation for the feasts called (fakaafe) said like” fucker are fee” don’t be offended we say fucker I mean faka a lot around here it’s not swearing  it doesn’t mean anything on its own but when attached to a word it sort of means doing, well sort of.  On Christmas day we gather at the village hall and give Tapa, Tapa is a painted mat  made from plant bark that is beaten till its paper thin and stuck together and painted with a plant dye. The girl at the gps end of school concert is wearing  Tapa. Then ever one goes to church except for the people who are making food. Tongans love food and as tradition has it there must be more food than can be eaten on the tables. If the food is all eaten then that means that the host wasn’t very good. Tonga is a poor country when it comes to money but food well there is so much of it that it’s free, Traditional food that is.

When ever one comes back from church we sit in the village hall and say prayers then eat, while we eat each person stands up and says a little talk about what ever the like ( when I say a little talk sometimes a talk can go on for half an hour or more ) these talks are about family, love for the people of the village and what ever else is on your mind at the time. People cry and laugh , share there lives. At this point I should point out there is no such thing as a secret in a village so when we share we really do share. There is no order to the talks you stand up when you get the feeling that it is right to stand up. Then comes music and dancing.

After this of course more church, the church going goes on for seven days after Christmas as well three times a day the up side of this is, so do the feasts.

I hope you have enjoyed this post. If you wish to comment please do.


The old ways

There are ones here who would like to forget our roots, there are ones here that wish I would forget what was taught to me, what has been handed down in our family for generations. But I will not let my ancestors down. Chance I think not that this medium was giving to me, with this vessel I will tell the old ways of my people so that they will not be forgotten even if there wish is for it to be.  So let it be written, So let it be done. I have used wordpress to reach out to talk to others away from the Island, as a release for myself and will still do so, but now I realize why this was given to me the computer, the Internet being put on the Island my trip overseas, the list goes on and all points me to this point in time. The old ways will not be lost for ever or put in some closet closed up to the world I will write about them on this blog so they may live again as they should. I will let the old ones and the Island pour out of me as I am now on these pages. The world will know of things my people have forgotten and Bolotu shall awaken once more the new Island will mark his awakening we will pull it up from the sea both feet solid on ‘Eua. Hina hear my words you shall be awaken again to this land of two with Sinilau by your side.

Wow now that was weird right, for you and me both but that’s how it goes on the big  jobs. This is my calling, so I hope you still enjoy the blog.

To Whale or not to Whale, is it even a Question?

Oh my god people, it seems madness has struck the Paradise Islands of Tonga. This is not a test, Tongan parliament are seriously looking at bringing whaling back to Tonga.:-( I can’t believe it how stupid is that? Taki and I have been over on the main Island y to see what we can do to stop this crazy thing from happening.

It all started with some idiot noble in the Tonga island group of Vava’u who thought it would be a good idea, dah. Tonga is a kingdom with a King and nobles and the rest of us chiefs, town officers, village speaks, peasants , you get the picture a ranking system of who is important and who is not.

Luckily my family is well respected in Tonga, so I can speak to some of these so called important people. So that’s what I’ve been doing, but these guys are hard nuts with dollar signs in their eyes.

this is some of the crap they believe and have been telling the people,

1. Whales are eating all our fish supplies.

2. We never had diabetes, until we stopped eating whale meat.

3. Whale watching only brought in one million dollars to Tonga last year and whale meat is worth $7 a pound so we can make more money killing the whales.

4.We only need to kill 12 whales a year.

I could continue, but as you can see this is just nonsensical crap. Might as well just blame global warming on the whale to, that’s a point since we stopped whaling there has been more whales and of course whales way a lot therefore we can explain the rising of sea levels, IT’S THE WHALES FAULT.

Anyway so I have kept this short as I really busy with this stuff at the moment, but you can help there are a few petitions on the Internet you could sign, here is a link to one. Petition link

If you have time there are a few more if you  look, sign them all. At the moment these guys only know about the humpback whales in our waters, I can’t imagine what will happen if they discover the other 22 species we have off the back of ‘Eua.

Please leave a comment, and if you have any ideas to help please let me  know.

Sh—-t that Hurt, Daaaam!

Living on an Island paradise has it’s ups and downs. It’s not all glamor and glitter not everyday any way :-). Why  just last week I got stung by a poison centipede on the end of my penis. True story, there I was asleep in bed minding my own business and bam,Daaaaaaaaam that hurt. With all these penis enlargement spammers with their email on how to make Johnny a big boy, I can tell you honestly, any homeopaths out there? I found a natural way to do it. After it bit me I swelled to let’s just say a rather impressive size. Problem was though it was to sore to do anything with.

So of course the best thing to do in this situation is to apply alcohol, luckily Tukia, Taki’s niece had come over from Australia about a month or two before and left a bottle of vodka in the cupboard  so I quickly applied it, applied it, and applied it some more.

Hooray! It worked I was now sufficiently drunk  enough to no longer feel the pain. Now I’m not to big on drinking, (makes me feel sick ) Tongan genes haven’t had the same exposure to alcohol as the western genes, and it was about 4.30 in the morning, so I went back to sleep. I woke up maybe three hours later, half dazed and confused. What was this, something crawling up my, bam sh—————t, same bloody centipede but this time my freakn leg. Now the chances of being bittin by one of these sucks is maybe one every three years, but twice in one night? This time though I caught the little bugger darling in a jar and swore at it in tongan for about an hour before letting it go.

Point is If a bloody elders can stop sharks from eating people by making a pact with the shark God, what about doing the same thing with the bloody centipede God.

Have fun guys and oh, leave a comment would you it makes me feel loved.

Ofa atu till next Time.

The Offender

The Offender

Live Human Bait for the Sharks

The neighboring Island of ‘Eue’iki has an old and still practiced tradition of shark calling. It all started with the first people that inhabited the Island legend tells of them coming to the Island and on that first journey one of the canoes tipping over and everyone inside being eaten by sharks. Once they arrived on the Island one of the elders made a pact with Hina ( a Tongan Goddess ) so as to protect his people from shark attacks. Which has worked to this day, I have a friend from there who loves to swim with sharks. Funny story, but when he went to Sydney Australia for a visit with family, he was arrested for swimming with a great white in the harbor, but that’s another story in it’s self. Where was I oh yeah OK so he made a packed with Hina, um, shark calling basically what they do is they sit around in the early morning and drink Kava (the traditional drink in Tonga, sort of like what coke is in the U.S.) In the canoe as the paddle out to their fishing spot. The first cup of Kava goes to the sharks of course. Once at the spot they bang coconut shells together and splash with their hands, when the sharks start to arrive they start chanting malie ( excellent or well done dude sort of thing ) and then Vili pea hoko ( more coming)  and (Teau) which means 100 cause that’s how many sharks they want to attract.They then wave meat over the water and as the shark come to the surface to eat the meat, they tie a rope arund it and drag it on board tie it up and whack the hell out of it. there you have it shark calling.

Now where the live human bait comes into it is there is a lot of things the crew is not allowed to do the day before and the day of the shark calling as it is Tapu ( not to be done sort of thing.) So if  the sharks don’t come near the boat it is assumed that someone has broken Tapu, it is  then up to the Sinilau (the captain) Sinilau sort of means Shark lover to decide who broke Tapu and then makes said person jump in to the water and attract the sharks (live human bait.) He then lures the sharks back to the boat and away they go again. I must at this stage point out that I have never been on one of these shark calling excursion, and I never will cause I just know who they would blame for braking  Tapu, but my friend does and the information I relate to you comes from him.

Ps: he is sane, just foolhardy.

So what do you think of that. let me know.

So Why Palm Corned Beef?

On the Island the weather is hot and refrigeration is a problem. Yes we have fridges now, but they are expensive to run as all our power comes from the big diesel generator owned by the power company at $1.20 per kw. You are not allowed to generate your own power. So palm corned beef becomes a staple as it doesn’t need refrigeration. The other funny thing about our diet is condensed milk, we use it the same as you would use cows milk in our tea coffe etc.Same reason as above. We do have cows on the Island and they are eating on special occasions but they are not milked as the milk goes bad to quickly.We love to put crackers in our cups of tea and wait for them to go soggy, so we can eat them with a spoon, this is called desert. The end result of this diet of course is diabetes and death. Death on the Island is not a scary thing ether we live we die and big deal, if you like. Funny when you die they don’t know the cause and so  they just say you were puke (sick). We don’t have cemeteries as such on the Island ether . Some burial mounds are on the side of the road others in the bush even some buy the beach. We dig a hole and put the body in and after we have covered up the hole we make a mound over the top to sit on and talk to our dead friend our relative. We decorate the graves with upside down beer bottles and plastic flowers. Weird as the Island has very pretty flowers indeed, but it’s a” Tongan thing.” If you go to a florist on the main Island of Tonga (there are none on my Island) you wont find any real flowers in it only plastic ones .I will get you some pics of these graves one day for you inspection. We use to throw our dead to the sea, we have these big such holes that suck water down under the Island. Burial is another thing we have to thank the English missionary’s for. I say through me down a suck hole when I die,much more romantic than being  put in a grave to rot.

So that’s it for now, post a comment if you like. I would love to hear from you.

Talk to Me

I thought I might start a post that is about whatever you would  like to talk to me about. So this is how it  works. Normally I post and you talk about what I post well this post is different, this post is about you, this time you post a comment about something you would like to talk to me about. Anything thats on you mind. I’m not sure how well this will go so just humor me at this point.

Alright then off you go post something