Sh—-t that Hurt, Daaaam!

Living on an Island paradise has it’s ups and downs. It’s not all glamor and glitter not everyday any way :-). Why  just last week I got stung by a poison centipede on the end of my penis. True story, there I was asleep in bed minding my own business and bam,Daaaaaaaaam that hurt. With all these penis enlargement spammers with their email on how to make Johnny a big boy, I can tell you honestly, any homeopaths out there? I found a natural way to do it. After it bit me I swelled to let’s just say a rather impressive size. Problem was though it was to sore to do anything with.

So of course the best thing to do in this situation is to apply alcohol, luckily Tukia, Taki’s niece had come over from Australia about a month or two before and left a bottle of vodka in the cupboard  so I quickly applied it, applied it, and applied it some more.

Hooray! It worked I was now sufficiently drunk  enough to no longer feel the pain. Now I’m not to big on drinking, (makes me feel sick ) Tongan genes haven’t had the same exposure to alcohol as the western genes, and it was about 4.30 in the morning, so I went back to sleep. I woke up maybe three hours later, half dazed and confused. What was this, something crawling up my, bam sh—————t, same bloody centipede but this time my freakn leg. Now the chances of being bittin by one of these sucks is maybe one every three years, but twice in one night? This time though I caught the little bugger darling in a jar and swore at it in tongan for about an hour before letting it go.

Point is If a bloody elders can stop sharks from eating people by making a pact with the shark God, what about doing the same thing with the bloody centipede God.

Have fun guys and oh, leave a comment would you it makes me feel loved.

Ofa atu till next Time.

The Offender

The Offender