Sh—-t that Hurt, Daaaam!

Living on an Island paradise has it’s ups and downs. It’s not all glamor and glitter not everyday any way :-). Why  just last week I got stung by a poison centipede on the end of my penis. True story, there I was asleep in bed minding my own business and bam,Daaaaaaaaam that hurt. With all these penis enlargement spammers with their email on how to make Johnny a big boy, I can tell you honestly, any homeopaths out there? I found a natural way to do it. After it bit me I swelled to let’s just say a rather impressive size. Problem was though it was to sore to do anything with.

So of course the best thing to do in this situation is to apply alcohol, luckily Tukia, Taki’s niece had come over from Australia about a month or two before and left a bottle of vodka in the cupboard  so I quickly applied it, applied it, and applied it some more.

Hooray! It worked I was now sufficiently drunk  enough to no longer feel the pain. Now I’m not to big on drinking, (makes me feel sick ) Tongan genes haven’t had the same exposure to alcohol as the western genes, and it was about 4.30 in the morning, so I went back to sleep. I woke up maybe three hours later, half dazed and confused. What was this, something crawling up my, bam sh—————t, same bloody centipede but this time my freakn leg. Now the chances of being bittin by one of these sucks is maybe one every three years, but twice in one night? This time though I caught the little bugger darling in a jar and swore at it in tongan for about an hour before letting it go.

Point is If a bloody elders can stop sharks from eating people by making a pact with the shark God, what about doing the same thing with the bloody centipede God.

Have fun guys and oh, leave a comment would you it makes me feel loved.

Ofa atu till next Time.

The Offender

The Offender



  1. Dude, that is hilarious.

  2. Hee hee… for some reason I assumed you were a human of the penis-less variety.

  3. Oooooowwwww! Like they say in the real estate biz, “Location, Location, Location” I’m thinking that centipede made the most out of its bite by placing it in such a sensitive spot. The second bite on the leg – that’s just overkill and insult.

  4. where’s the picture????

    of the scorpion not your penis…

  5. Kitty: hilarious ? dam painful girl.

    Perakath : Thanks for the compliment.

    SQ: Overkill all right.

    nurse poo: for a purely medical reason, right? anything for you Nursy poo.

  6. eeeeek…… that’s one helluva scorpion. you’ve put me off visiting Tonga now. for a while at least.

  7. It’s a centipede Nursy, the poison kind. We call them molakau ( mol – a – cow )

  8. LOL. Not the actual situation, the way you told the story.

  9. Ow, ow ow. Poor baby, should I kiss it and make it better?

  10. No need, silverstar98121, the centipede is quite fine.

  11. I know I was joking, kitty. lol

  12. Blimey!

    Look at it on the positive side Island Boy… Now, isn’t that a a handy knowledge for when you need to impress the ladies BIG time… ha! 😉 You should have kept that centipede, damn! 😉

  13. That centipede looks scary! And you let it go? I’d have stomped on it and then burnt more coming over for bits and bites!

  14. Oh lordy! thats hilarious.. no not the Pain, sorry, but the way you have narrated the whole episode. That centipede sure loves you…wonder if it was trying to tell you something(still laughing).

  15. Bridget Jones : Impressing the ladies over here only requires me to climb the coconut tree.

    Purely : Yep I let it go, I’m not into killing things , which is seen as strange in these parts, us Tongans kill animals without mercy and prejudice. Yep, I’m the odd one out.

    mysoul : It wasn’t funny at the time, but I must admit, by the time I wrote this it was.

  16. I’ve been stung by a centipede- on my foot and that was bad enough…you have my sympathies!

  17. Ouch! Man that would have been sore I had one bite me on my arm and that was sore for a couple of hours but I couldn’t imagine on my Penis (not that I have one to imagine) or on anywhere that sensitive.
    Im real paranoid about them now, I heard that they can be deadly to babies and I have a little 3 month baby girl.

  18. Timalia, I know I read your blog your on my blog roll, When are you and your man coming over to ‘Eua cuz.

  19. dude….dat is awsome!!!…i wanna get bit by a centipede…actualy i wanna be a pros but anyway,great episode wit the centipede….dats the first ive heard of a centipede biting sum1 on the penis but theas a first for everyfin

  20. Okay, retards in previous posts, its a centipede, not a scorpion. There are major differences between the two, learn to read. Sheesh.

    Anyway, sounds pretty damn painful. How do you know it was the same centipede?

  21. wow so great, hey can you send one of those over to me will keep it in a bottle and try stickin my dick in, Kitty can come an kiss it better mmm
    love the thoght of a bit of pain on there

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