Surviving Sundays In Tonga

The Village Minister and His Wife and Kids

The Village Minister and His Wife and Kids

Sundays in Tonga are about church for everyone except me. I’m not exaggerating on the Island of ‘Eua where I live, there is 95 churches this number is growing all the time. The population is 5000 people , lets do the math 5000 by 95 =  1 church for ever 53 people. Tongans go to church three times on Sunday. First at 5 am then at 10 am and again at 5 pm. It’s all about keeping up appearances wearing the best clothes and who can sing the loudest. Church in Tonga is  different to church in the west first off the 3 times on Sunday thing then there is the reading out of who gave the most and who gave the least money for the church. This happens every quarter  of the year. Did you know that you can lend money from the church to pay the church at interest? No I’m not kidding. My uncle thinks he’s the closest to God cause he gives more than the rest of the family and the minister agrees with him.

This is the same minister that when I said to him that Jesus didn’t eat pork because he was a Jew laughed at me, said I was stupid and Then proceeded to tell me that Jesus was a Christiane and that if I went to church then I would Know this. (Bloody idiot)

Tonga is poor when it comes to money, however if you can get a job as a church minister you get a lot of money, cars, house and land. So most kids grow up with presser on them to become a minister.

Like I said before I don’t go to church, but the village tolerates this. I do get hassled as they see going to church as the Tongan way, even when I explain that Jesus isn’t a Tongan God but a western God, introduced to the Islands by a British missionary and enforced by the then king. Tongan Gods are much different.

Back to Sunday in Tongan. Like I said Christianity was introduced by an English missionary who also imposed our Sunday law which I will tell you some of the laws now.

  • There is to be no playing of games on a Sunday.
  • No bathing in the sea or swimming.
  • No music or loud noise as to disturb your neighbor (unless your a church of course.)
  • No gathering of food.
  • No buying or selling.
  • No gardening.
  • No working.
  • No cleaning of the house

The list goes on but you get the picture. There is a law in Tonga that’s says you are not allowed to be topless (men included) this is on any day of the week and includes when your swimming. This is another law imposed by this British mad man, oh sorry I mean missionary that Tongans now take to be the Tongan way.

Tongan church ministers preach differently to western minister to one minute they are crying because Jesus loves hem and us so much the next they are yelling and I really do mean yelling at the congregation because the are note worthy but he still loves them, then they go back to crying and then more yelling. It’s the best acting I’ve ever scene. Johnny dep eat your heart out. This is the same minister that been up all night with the male part of his congregation drinking Kava which is a mild narcotic that is the traditional drink of Tonga and which also happens to be the churches big cash crop.

Don’t get me wrong I love Tonga I think maybe because it’s so messed up?

Anyway what are your thoughts?

9 Comments

  1. So what do Tongans wear when they go swimming?

  2. Hi Nursy poo.
    Good question they go swimming fully clothed. Strange don’t you think 200 years ago Tongans wore next to nothing, however now they even wear clothes swimming. At first as tourist started to arrive on the Island, In their bikinis I had to explain to my village elders that this wasn’t meant to insult them it was just the Palangi way. Palangi means white person in Tongan. Now thy are ok with it. My friend Taki has a resort ( for want of a better word) just down from our village, hence why it was left to me to explain the lack of attire.
    Ofa atu
    Nursemyra

  3. the women in Vietnam swim fully clothed too. It just looks so uncomfortable to our western eyes

  4. It’s the woman and the men that have to be fully clothed here Nursy. I’m a bit different I just wear shorts. But like I say the village tolerates me and I do risk being arrested by the law, but the police would never arrest me we are friends and one is related. There are only 3 police on the Island, as there is no crime as such ( apart from the odd home brew) and of course my blatant half nudity while swimming. lol

  5. Your island sounds like a Wilbur Smith book I just read– Eye of The Tiger. How very cool. I must read up some on Tonga.

  6. Thanks Perakath It is very cool. but then I am biased.

  7. finally, a non-religious Tongan! I thought Tongans are talibans when it comes to Christianity, lol! I am glad to see that people like you can see the truth clearly, although they’ve grown up in such a religious environment. I will be in Tonga next year and I plan to visit ‘Eua too. I can’t wait to see your beautiful island. Great blog btw!

  8. yo fevah i know you have a very different perspective but aybe you were brought up overseas or you are just not tongan even though we are a poor nation we make up for that by coming together why do you have to try and put us down like that sorry but i feel very hurt about what you have said.

  9. Your the one calling yourself dopeytongan, Not me my friend. My blog is for a laugh. sorry if you don’t have humor in ya.


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